Healing the Wounded Mother

I dreamt of someone I have a grievance against. I tried to tell her I was making a complaint. She turned and walked away as I was explaining the complaint wasn't really about her it was about them.

The "them" in this scenario are real people - as was the person in the dream. As is the grievance real. 

"They" are people who I might perceive as having created the space and opportunity for an abuse to take place.

I wake up in complete and utter pain. Physical pain, soul pain. I see straight away that "they" were playing the parts of my parents in a psychodrama. The patterns I hold onto replaying in my world.

I journalled it out. I used the step 4 matrix Who do I resent? Why? What it affects in me? What is my part in it?

My mother came in for a lot of schtick. But if I cut to the chase here is the most important bit... what is my part in it all? These are things I can see I could do differently...

1 As an adult I am choosing to relive these dramas

2 I am not practising compassion or forgiveness

3 I am stuck in the role of victim

4 I am seeing my mother as the source of suffering

5 I am taking it personally

6 I am ignoring her own biography and those of the women in my ancestry

7 I am holding her responsible when in fact I am resentful at the wounded Mother (archetype)

You will notice I highlight the Wounded Mother as an archetype and so I then journal into that. I find myself further wracked with pains of the world - of wars, refugees, destruction of the planet. I find myself, yes angry that she is wounded but that she lets herself be wounded. How pathetic! Stand up for yourself woman! Protect the innocent! I am angry at the loss of innocence.

This takes me back to the step 4 process... what is my part in it again? And I find that am not owning nor healing the wounded mother within me... and I am giving my power away and not claiming my own power as a woman and a mother. I am not protecting the innocent. 

I google "healing the wounded mother" and come across a book which I am pretty sure is on the reading list for the doula training "Songs of the Womb" by Benig Mauger. This seems like a clear signpost and waymarker - I am on the right path and this is the way! I shall buy the book and read it. And let you know how I get on!