Spiritual Counselling

I had a really good session of spiritual counselling today. When I say "I had" I mean "I gave"... I was the counsellor... but the thing is... I'm not, really, it's not me doing the counselling. And since this is an unusual concept I thought I would try to explain what the spiritual counselling experience is like and what I do to play my part in something so much bigger than me.

When I know I have an appointment with someone I make sure the space around is tidy and clean, even if I am working on skype as I often do - I always set myself up in my therapy room with a candle lit. I take some deep breaths and release any thoughts I might have about how I might want the session to go. And I take my awareness to my heart and I release any tension by breathing long and slow; I ask inwardly to be guided to be of the highest service.

Then the skype rings or the person arrives for the session. It works the same whether it's in person or on skype it's important that that person feels comfortable. Warm? Comfy? Settled?

I used to ask more upfront about a person's belief system because I wanted to make sure I said "the right thing" but increasingly I only do "small talk" until the client is sufficiently arrived and relaxed enough to start. I don't explain too much about it I just suggest experiencing it. I do say that silence is joyously welcomed as is sharing. That I hold the silence for them as they are likely to be on an inner pilgrimage but I do ask them to stay with the process and to tell me if they mentally leave the room and start planning tonights dinner. This reassures us both that we are "in" for the duration.

I do explain confidentiality and that I have supervision and that the only person I might disclose information to is my supervisor.

We settle into some silence together. Focussing on the breath... breathing... settling... slowing the breathing down...

From the fall of the silence I won't know what I am going to say until I open my mouth. Sometimes I find that I am suggesting to scan the body from the feet to the crown... sometimes we focus on the gut, the heart, the head... sometimes a guided heart opening... something perfect always comes out of my mouth. At the outset the aim is to find comfort with the focus on the heart and to be open to receive guidance.

I might speak an invocation. Using the words that come I acknowledge That which guides, That which loves, That which holds us... I affirm the safety of the space.

What comes next will be an invitation... and each time it seems the invitation takes different forms... "what rises in you to be shared?" "we are at the altar of the heart, what is your prayer?"... and then it is time for the client to hold the "talking stick"... I pass them the metaphorical baton and wait.

In the early days I used to have to actively still my mind while they were silent - I might draw sacred symbols in my minds eye - or have to say silently to myself "God is listening" or "peace" or something... but over time that need to still my mind has passed - now I almost finding myself impatiently waiting for the opportunity to be in the deep listening space with someone, the mental chatter falls away.

They have their eyes closed, most often, but I will have mine open. My gaze resting softly on them. I find that my body might tense at the same time that they shift position. Or I may get a sensation in a chakra as I watch them pass their hand over the same part. I breathe, I remind them to breathe if their breathing has become short.

They speak. Or stay silent. I listen.

The silence is beyond a lack of sound. It is like waiting in the womb, suspended from time and space.

Often they speak falteringly, playing with a concept that is arising - sometimes they talk a lot - sometimes they just start to cry. I don't react. I make gentle soothing sounds and keep listening.

I might feel prompted to interrupt but I rarely do. I never react to the first prompt as it is most likely ego wanting to fix something they are saying. I wait... breathe it away... keep listening.

I am not just listening with my ears I am listening with my soul. It can feel inwardly like floating on the ocean, being one with the ocean and not. Feeling the ebb and flow, rise and fall of the waves.

If the prompt comes through more than once or twice then I open my mouth with confidence (no one wants an apologetic weak interruption!) and I speak what comes out of my mouth without thinking too much about it. A learning edge for me is to keep it succinct, to the point. But almost always the words land well and a deeper insight is gained.

I am sitting with a mirror and in that mirror is me and is my God. And I am a mirror to them, they are in me as is their God. So often I hear issues I am working on in my own life articulated. I can sometimes feel my body reeling with the realisation that this issue I thought was "mine" is being brought to the space.

Sometimes heartbreak is inevitable. This is where the intense training of the seminary comes in. Because my heart is permanently broken open, because I am a griefholder and have released as much pain as best I can, because I have (as best as I can) released my own story I do not fear screaming heartbreak, the utter void of grief.

I might cry. It's my greatest gift I can give is my profound empathy. But it is not about me at all - I don't lose myself in the emotion.

All that the client offers washes through me; like flood water opening me and cleansing me. I am listening but I am not hanging onto their words. This is humanity; raw humanity and I am full of joy to be present to it.

This is about the moment. It is about the vastness of the human experience in that moment.

If the client asks a question of themselves I might pick that up and ask them to put it to God... "why does this keep happening?" "what can't I see?"

I notice if they affirm themselves and I repeat that back to them "yes, you are very good at..."

If they seem to say something that rings the wisdom bell with me but I don't feel they have heard their own wisdom I repeat it to them "the more I surrender the clearer I become" or whatever.

Keeping an eye on time with 10 minutes to go I gently say "just acknowledging we have 10 minutes left... " and I might summarise what I have heard in the session.

Then with 5 minutes to go I invite them back into some silence. Allowing all that has arisen to settle again. Breathing again. Feeling the presence of That which guides and loves and holds us. Offering thanks.

Sometimes I feel prompted to pray for someone as a closing. More often not.

I always thank them because it is the most extraordinary privilege.

Then it's over. There's some light chat and then it's done. They go.

I sit quietly and make a note of what remains with me - both content and feelings. I have fortnightly supervision and I might talk about my feelings or how I felt but rarely about individuals. My supervisor holds the space for me and the incredible dive into the ocean starts again.

So beautiful.

I could have written about what it feels like to receive spiritual counselling but I wanted to share my experience as the counsellor. To outline the process, the container... what actually happens to hold the space.

The inner journey is determined by what the client brings. And their willingness to surrender to the silence and guidance that comes from within them.

They are not broken nor ever were so I am relieved of any responsibility to fix. I uphold. They are perfect in their humanness as am I. They are whole. They are already healed. They have all the wisdom they need within them.

If I am anything I am loyal friend to their higher self... waiting for it to remember.