Funny thing is inheritance. In all my time working in older people's services I saw time and again how the possibility of inheritance clouded the children and grandchildren's judgement of how people should receive care. Lost inheritance is the theme of my life - my maternal grandmother owned her home and sold it to pay for the renovation of our cottage and outbuildings into a granny flat and offices for my father's business. My father got involved in what would have been a massively lucrative invention which had his name on the patent but when he was declared bankrupt and we lost our home we lost the rights to that patent and my grandmother lost her investment. I never ever expected there to be an inheritance - I don't think its something you think about when you are young but as I get older and friends of mine are coming into inheritances and I see it stabilising their lives I can only wistfully release the now distant half promise that never was. I recently found out a. that there was some savings on the paternal line and b. they are plundered and lost... and I can but wistfully release that half never-promise too.
As I am consciously working on my root chakra and laying down roots and strengthening my security I am incredibly beautifully provided for in the material sense of a lovely home, food and warmth. I don't often share with friends how hand-to-mouth it is for me financially. My bank account recently hit £0 - again - and I was in minute by minute prayer contact with God to check I was doing all I could to bring in the money I needed. 59th minute of the 11th hour - again - the money I needed came in. Just. A friend came over and offered to buy me food and she put at least 3 weeks of food in the cupboards and bought me a christmas tree, bless her. I am surrounded and surrendered to love.
I know that I can expend masses of energy seeking work when the truth is that I need to stop and centre. Go within; recharge from the divine source. When I do that two things happen - I find I no longer need what I think I need and what I thought I need is also provided.
I was massively reassured recently to read in Catherine Ponder book on prosperity that someone who went on to become incredibly wealthy had, for some time, "to pray for her daily supply". I have come to accept that, for now, I have to accept and receive with grace my "daily bread". And relax into knowing that I AM doing all I can - the rest is up to God.
Spotting a looming burnout on the horizon I have stopped frantically seeking work. For the month of December I have made the commitment to myself to do daily self healing, meditate and pray and do yoga and go for gentle walks - and to check in with social media and my emails less. I have nothing t lose and everything to gain in reversing the 1 hour a day meditation 6 hours a day computer time imbalance. 6 hours a day connecting spiritually, 1 hour a day connecting technologically... I'll keep you informed of developments.
I have seen a significant softening in my relationship with my Mum recently which I can only assume for my part is a result of the work I am documenting in this blog. I am building up to asking her if I can perform a blessing way ritual for her to honour her as a mother - she might not like to - but I would like to design and offer it anyway.
Last night I was supposed to connect with my reiki master Morag - she and i spoke earlier in the week and noted that I have been a reiki master for 7 years. I asked for an attunement to mark the milestone and last night was going to be the night. Except Morag's baby wouldn't sleep. I sent them sleepy vibes and it worked for both of them! In the end, at Morag's suggestion, I attuned myself (I know... makes you go blind)... and this is what I did...
I created a circle on the floor in front of my lit fire - with a circle of candles and crystals. The clear quartz globe that I received at the same time as my master attunement 7 years ago was behind me and the green (can't remember name of crystal - got it at same time) earthing was in front of me. I sounded the bells around the circle 3 times, smudged it 3 times and spoke a spontaneous invocation in which I said "this is the space in which I claim my divine inheritance" (just came out of my mouth)... I stepped into the circle and sat down facing the fire - I held up my palms and for each of the reiki symbols in turn my hands were charged and I passed them over my brow, behind my head, over my throat, down passed the heart to the solar plexus, behind my body, back to the navel and down passed the root to the earth. It was incredibly serene.
I then went to bed and slept deeply; dreaming that I was guided around my old school by a man in arabic dress, the walls of the old school were incorporated into its new design, the central quad had spontaneously filled with water and become a lily pond, I went to a class but there was a fire alarm so we all went and sat in the sun by the pool. It was a very chilled and relaxed dream.
This morning upon waking I performed a self healing on myself and then have got on with my day. Watch this space for further developments...
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